It appears it’s watermelon season

I haven’t been this happy since tomato season began.

Halla Unty

When my little neighbours, Sritty (3) and Raphy (2) first moved in, their mother, Sultana, tried to make them feel comfortable with me by calling me “Aunty”. It is a common thing for people to do here. Everyone is either your “Aunty” or “Uncle”, your “Apa” (sister) or “Bhai” (brother).

Every morning since their arrival, Sultana has said to her children, “Say, ‘Hello Aunty’.” And then the children yell out, “Halla Unty!”.

Well, it now seems that this has gone a little too far, to the point where Sultana and her children seem to have mistaken the expression, “Halla Unty” for my actual name, because lately I’ve been hearing them saying such things as:

“What’s Halla Unty doing?”
“Do you want to visit Halla Unty’s office?”
“Where’s Halla Unty?”
“Goodbye Halla Unty!”

On Spiders

I’m definitely not averse to the idea of killing bugs if they’re annoying me, but the larger the bug, the worse I feel if and when the time comes to administer capital punishment for crimes against human peace of mind.

It is for this reason that I’ve managed to live a non-violent co-existence with a few generously proportioned, yet peace-loving spiders in my immediate surroundings – there’s been the two black and yellow ones who made their large webs in two convenient corners of my veranda, the one who lived under my bathroom sink and never came out (I would only ever see it if I really craned my neck to see if it was still there, and it always was), then there was my favourite, which lived behind my bathroom mirror by day and would crawl no further than 20cms up the wall at night and then go back again, not to mention the numerous small ones that I’d let travel free-range around my two small rooms.

But one day, a new spider arrived. It was huge. And it was brave. And it was mean. It started on my curtains and then moved to the wall near the bathroom. It then walked up the bathroom doorframe, where it waited in secret to scare the living daylights out of me one night as I switched on the bathroom light. It was at this point that our short relationship began to sour.

I wanted to give it the benefit of the doubt, assuming that it just needed to find a space to settle down and feel at home. But this was not to be. After making its way into my bathroom, it started crawling everywhere. Under my watchful eye, it ventured behind my towel, over the toilet seat and up the wall. I figured that if I could see where it was, all would be ok. But then the lights went out (current nei). I went into my bedroom to get a candle and when I got back into the bathroom, the spider had moved again. And then I found it crawling down towards the floor, but it made a sudden right-hand turn and crawled behind a picture I have hanging on my bathroom wall. And it was at this point that I decided to go and get my shoe.

The thought of dealing with a half-dead spider was too much to handle, so I whacked it so hard I hurt my hand. But it was gone. An inconvenience I no longer had to deal with.

Until I noticed that it had friends. Big friends. Three other spiders surfaced on my bathroom walls that night. There was no way I was getting any sleep with those guys hanging around. Besides, I’d got a taste for the kill and the more I whacked, the easier it was.

Now I only have one spider left in my bathroom - the one behind the mirror. Although, after months of keeping the same routine, it suddenly decided to venture a little further this morning. Only time will tell whether this cold-blooded killer will feel the need to strike again!

Valentine’s Day

Cards: 0

Flowers: 0

Gifts: 1: A 20 gram packet of Tamarind Chutney from Nizam (Nothing to read into here. I think he was just feeling sorry for me).

Phone calls: 0

Text Messages: 1: “Wishing to Happy Valentine’s day. It brings happiness, peaceful and delightful for everlastingness. I hope that you’ll stay fine this day. Shahjahan.”

A few one-liners from conversations I’ve had recently

“Today you look so sweet.” Mirza

“Do you like Hindi flims or Bangla flims?” Alam

“Bah! You are a very great. I like you.” Shahin

“My mind is very fresh.” Mirza

“Before, you were all over too much fatty. Now you maintain your figure.” Dolly

“Your mind is incompressible.” Shahjahan.

“I will try, heart and soul, to help you always.” Raju

Sohel: What is “blonde”?
Me: It means light-coloured hair.
Sohel, pointing to my head: This is grey.

There’s always something

Work: Going pretty good. Teachers and kids seem happy, although one little girl the other day had to go home because she was so scared of me and wouldn’t stop crying.
Social life: Great – visiting locals, going on lots of nice holidays with Aussie friends.
Weather: PERFECT, but getting hotter, in a good way at the moment – you know, the smell of jasmine in the air, balmy evenings, etc.
Mould: Non existent.
Bugs inside room: Mice: 0
Frogs: 0
Weird, prehistoric animals/bugs: 0
Geckos (“Tik Tikkis”): 2
Flies: Now: none (it’s night time)
Yesterday, while cooking my lunch: 8
Small Spiders: 3
Large Spiders (ie bigger than your palm): 5
Mosquitos: Now: about 5
Every morning: about 300 in my bathroom (Why? Why? Why? And what’s wrong with the stupid spiders? Isn’t the whole point of letting spiders live is so they can build webs and catch annoying things like mozzies?)

You’re never too young

I just bumped into one of the local kids, 3-year-old Fateha. She was eating paan. Her whole mouth was red and she even spat out the excess saliva like a seasoned, toothless paan eater. I’m not sure how much of a habit this is for her, but I fear for her beautiful white teeth and winning smile.

Although, come to think of it, her teeth are going to fall out in a few years anyway, so she might as well make the most of it now.

You know summer’s coming when…

You can hear frogs at night again.
Pineapples taste sweet again.
Wearing shoes and socks makes you hotter than you should be.
You can see fireflies when it’s dark.
Chocolate melts in your bag on the way home.
Cooking heats up the room in a bad way, not a good way.
Hot chocolate doesn’t seem that comforting anymore.
Salads sound more appetising than soups.
“Current Nei” (no electricity) lasts longer and longer each night.
The sweat moustache begins to reappear.
Your water consumption increases dramatically.
The fields are green with rice paddies again (thus making afternoon power walks much quieter and enjoyable, because there aren’t lots of people out playing cricket and football and yelling out to Bideshis as they walk along).

Bad Karma or just a bad day?

OK!! I admit it! My ipod fell off the back of a truck. It only cost me $250 when they retail for $400. Which may explain why, the night before I was due to come to Bangladesh, its entire music library was completely wiped, leaving me with only a few hours to redeem a small fraction of my favourite music.

And I don’t reply to or participate in chain mail – I just delete it.

After having the worst run of bad luck I’ve had in years over the past 24 hours, I’m beginning to think maybe the deeds of my past are coming back to haunt me.

10pm: Realise my ipod, ipod charger and camera battery charger have been stolen from my backpack, probably by “security” officials at Kolkata Airport. (I have good reason to suspect this, but won’t go into it now).

10am, next day: Mobile phone breaks.

12pm: Am required to deal with most horrifying, awful, unhelpful people at Indian Visa Application office in Dhaka. Leave almost in tears.

5pm: Get bus home from Dhaka. Bus gets flat tyre.

8pm: Step in weird gooey stuff in the kitchen at my house while wearing thongs.

I’m not even sure if it’s over yet, but whatever the cause of my bad run of things, I feel I’m being tested to see just how far my patience can stretch.