Bag and Baggage with Luggage

Dhaka
Originally uploaded by Bangla, Biryanis and Badminton.

Time to say goodbye to Bangladesh. What a ride!

I reckon I’ll be back. One day.

My Many Names

Gilliand
Gilliant
Gillian Kennedian
Australian Kennedian
Joolian
Miss Gillie
Kennedy (mistaken for my first name for about 2 weeks.)
Jelly
Apa (meaning “sister”)
Apu (ditto)
Aunty
Halla Unty
Sister
Bondhu (meaning “friend”)
Bideshi (meaning “foreigner”)
Madam
Mam

Attack of the Poo Man

Are you sick of carrying around heavy guns for your armed hold-ups? Constantly accidentally nicking and pricking yourself on those sharp knives and syringes? Tripping over your machete? Well, why not try the new wave in armed robbery that’s taking Dhaka by storm: Poo!

All you have to do is smear a little bit of it on your body somewhere so you stink really bad, and then carry some around, either in your hand or in a translucent plastic bag. Then, if people refuse to hand over the dosh, threaten them with poo! There’s nothing that disgusts people, nor is as effective when push comes to shove, than human poo.

Don’t believe us? Here’s what some of our victims are saying:

“DON’T TOUCH HIM!! Just give him the money.”
“OK, OK! Take it! Take ALL of it. Just don’t come near me.”
“Oh my God!!! I can still smell it! Did I get any on me?”

The Staring Competition

Venue: Local bus from Hajigonj to Naora

Contestants: Australian female (Player A)
Bangladeshi female (Player B)

Positions: Player A: Row 9, Right side, Aisle Seat
Player B: Row 8, Left side, Aisle Seat

Weapons: Player A: None
Player B: Full-face burka

Play-by-play report:

Point 1: Player B, with her weapon at the ready, takes an aggressive stance by turning her entire body around to glare confidently and inquisitively at Player A, taking the Australian not entirely by surprise. She’s used to these sorts of hustles. Player A concedes the first point by glancing at the Bangladeshi and looking away, nonchalantly.

Points 2 and 3: At the 14th second, it looks like Player B’s plan is persistence – she’s going for the big points. She hasn’t turned away yet, and it doesn’t look like she plans to any time soon. She hasn’t blinked yet, either, so that’s a bonus point right there.

Point 4: The Australian meets the eyes of the Bangladeshi once again, this time with more determination. The four eyes lock - the Australian really glaring now; her eyes narrow. Oooh, but she can only persist for six seconds. She turns her head to look out the window. Player A surrenders yet another point.

Point 5: Despite her convincing lead, it looks as though Player B has been shaken. She’s taken out her secret weapon – The Black Shroud. She pulls it securely over her face, but she may have been led into a false sense of security because this only seems to make Player A more determined. Player A, not to be fooled, manages to find the gleaming eyes through the Bangladeshi’s secret weapon. Player A locks in and forces an error from Player B: Her eyes dart, first to the left and then to the right.

Points 6 and 7: The Australian is really getting the upper hand now. It’s as if she’s burning a hole right through the Bangladeshi. After another 8 seconds, the veiled eyes lose their target once more. No blinking from Player A. A bonus point to her.

Points 8 and 9: This stare-out has got to see a winner soon, surely? But unless Player B can pull out another weapon, I don’t think she’s going to be able to make a come back - Player A is as solid as a rock. Again, Player B falters. She’s fidgeting. And what’s this? It looks as if she’s turning her body around to face the front of the bus! The Australian is still not wavering and has not blinked an eye in the whole second half of the game. Another bonus point.

Point 10: Player B’s eyes and head drop as she finally concedes defeat, and turns her head to look out the window. Who would have thought that a Bangladeshi could’ve been beaten at her own game? This one will go down in history!

English amusement

For many rural Bangladeshis, there is rarely an opportunity to practice the few English phrases they learn at school. But since I’ve been around, the people here have begun to take advantage of the situation by practising their English on me as I’m walking down the street. This has resulted in some amusing approximations for “hello” as they pass me by. Some of these have included:
“Thank you!”
“I love you!”
“Good!”
“I am fine!”
“Good morning” (at any time of the day).

Names for Bangladeshi girls that I think are fabulous

Happy
Lucky
Beauty

Haleem

While my mum and dad were here, we went out for an Indian meal one night. When mum and I had had our fill, it disgusted me, but didn’t surprise me, to see my dad pick up the silver curry dishes and a spoon and polish off the leftovers until not a drop remained.

Well, it wasn’t until yesterday that I learnt that this type of thing is not only accepted in Bangladesh (etiquette, when it comes to food, is not really a priority), you can actually order it off the menu. And it is called Haleem.

Yesterday I was in a “restaurant” (I use the term loosely) with my friend Sohel in Hajigonj. He felt like a little snack, so he decided to order Haleem. I was intrigued to find out what it was as I’d never heard of it before.

A few minutes later, it arrived at the table. A little bowl full of goat curry and one of those big spoons you get at Asian-style restaurants. I wouldn’t go so far as to call it soup. It was much more like gravy with bits of meat in it.

So the term “Haleem” therefore must translate as: “Can I have the goat curry with extra sauce? And a spoon, please.”

This is how short Bangladeshis are:

Dolly, yesterday: My son is VERY tall: 5’7”!

(Incidentally, Dolly is 5’)

When I grow up, I want to be…

Today I saw a boy, perhaps 7 years old, “in training” to be a rickshaw puller. His dad and brother were sitting in the passenger seat, giving him instructions. The little boy was getting absolutely nowhere. He was only tall enough to push the pedals when they were right at the top, and even then he had to move his whole torso over to either side of the cross bar to push them. But he couldn’t push them hard enough to make them turn far enough for him to reach the one on the other side. Or to go anywhere.